If you’ve spent any time with a toddler, chances are you’ve witnessed a tantrum, a full blown melt down. There are a lot of different ways to handle these tense situations. Every child is different, but in my experience, here is my most successful response to a tantrum.
This is what I do when all bodies are safe, meaning the child is not hitting, slamming themself on the floor, or doing anything that could potentially harm them or someone else. I begin by getting down on their level, kneeling or sitting on the ground so I can look them in the eye. I do not initiate physical contact, as this can be overwhelming. If the child is really in distress, I ask or tell them to move to the couch. Next, I move on to a method that has proven helpful in the past with this specific child. It could be sitting in a calm corner, taking deep breaths or another physical calming technique. Be sure to model your chosen behavior with them, even if they are not actively participating. Showing your child how you use deep breaths to relax can help them internalize the technique and make it easier to call upon in the future.
I always offer a child three choices when they are melting down. Once they are calm enough to listen to these options, I help them feel in control by letting them decide what would make them feel better. The first choice is physical comfort, like a hug or to cuddle up and read a book. The second one changes based on the situation. It could be a drink or a snack, a specific activity like building a castle out of blocks or coloring a picture of a dinosaur, etc. The last choice is always to give them space and let them feel their feelings for as long as they need.
The four year old who I nanny for usually chooses space and is able to calm himself relatively quickly. Once he is physically removed from the situation that upset him, he can take his mind off of it and relax on his own. The two year old almost always goes for a hug. The nurturing contact helps her regulate.
Every child is different, so what works for one might not work for the next. There is a lot of trial and error involved when raising a child. The most important thing is to make sure they feel supported by you. Toddlers’ brains are not fully developed and they do not have the skills to always express their emotions appropriately. Do not give in to the tantrum, but let them know that it is okay to have big feelings, and help them work through it.
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